5 Signs To Show You Are Not Communicating Effectively In A Relationship

Often time, people think "communication problems" or "bad communication" as it is known in the local palace in a relationship solely manifests when one person just stops talking in a relationship. However, this is not the case at all. There are many other signs that show a lack or the breakdown of effective communication in relationships. If you will ever desire to have an amiable relationship, then it is important that you pay attention to these five signs so that they don’t become major crisis brewers in your beautiful relationships.

Communicating is said to be effective when in a two way information sharing process, a party sends a message that is easily understood by the other party and the desired feedback is achieved/accomplished. This means that for communication to take place there must be:  
      1.  a sender of the message; 
      2.  a message to be sent; 
      3.  a medium for sending the message and; 
   4. an interference (unfortunately many do not pay attention to this; to their detriment)

This write up hopes to highlight some of these interferences that obviously indicate that you are not communicating effectively in your relationship (whether it be with friends, your spouse, your siblings, your children, in the office etc). These principles are same irrespective of the type of relationship. So you may want to pay attention to these relationship time bombs:

1.  Not Listening: If you usually cut off your partners whenever they speak, you are causing problem for the relationship. Some people are not very good listeners and others are talkative. They find pleasure in talking for hours without caring to know if they are been understood or if they are getting feedback.

Although these behavioural patterns may not always be intentional, it is however important to note that they are rooted in selfishness. The message these attitudes send to the people (being cut off) is that their opinion or thoughts are not good enough, ever significant or valuable. This understanding has the capacity of weakening the bond of relationships and draining the oil of commitment in its engine. That is the reason why you must address this and pay attention to God’s advice to this: "Answering before listening is both stupid and rude." (Proverb 18:13).

2.   Disrespecting Your Partner: To disrespect someone in this context could mean to: call people names; act in an insulting way toward them; think very little of them; put them down with your actions always; make them feel low; treat them in horrible ways; show them that they mean less than nothing to you; willingly act hurtfully towards them; be rude; mock people’s opinion; disdain them; disregard or pretend to be ignorant of their feelings; etc

However this is manifested (even if you have packaged them with sophistication because of your level of civilization); it is important that you understand that it hurts.

And always remember that relationships are always made up of people from difference cultures, backgrounds, experiences etc so there must of necessity be divergence in opinions, understanding and attitudes. Always remember that: “A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.” - Bill Watterson

3.   Being Argumentative: By being argumentative, we mean an exchange of diverging or opposite views, typically a heated or angry one. Disagreements and arguments are bound to occur in relationships, however, when it is always intentionally provoked as a means of achieving a purely selfish reason it becomes a problem.

This behavour trait could also be an indication to the fact that the person exhibiting it has other covert problems (deeper issues of an ungodly and manipulative nature, a complex, etc).

4.   Use Of Profanity: One of the most dangerous problems with the use of profanity (bad, rude or offensive language) is how quickly it can go from being casual expressions to becoming destructive instruments.  For this reason, Sandy’s Zoom on relationship insists that “Profanity has no place in relationships”.

It doesn't show any sign of maturity but only leads to conflict and crises; thereby defeating the aim of effective communication.

5. Intentionally Ignoring Your Spouse: Another silent relationship killer is Intentionally Ignoring your Spouse. This is a serious problem in most marriages where most spouses use this as an instrument for hurting or harming their partners especially in the events of any misunderstanding in the relationship.

This often resulting in the men keeping late night (hanging out with friend and coming home late) so that he can just go to bed once he gets home; refuse to eat the food cooked by the spouse; wives refuse their spouse sex; each spouse sleeping on the opposite end of the bed; etc. Is this actually supposed to be “a part of the Love experience?”  The problem here is that this instrument is carefully designed to hurt the other partner in the relationship. They are bad, unfair, manipulative etc actions that are geared to seek attention and establish control. The truth however is that it slowly eats up relationships like the little foxes.

Word of advice, I have a uncle whose wife will always tell him:”when we are quarreling, eat my food so that you can have the strength to fight. If you abandon my food, you lose because it was cooked with your money. You lose the money and the food also”

What an advice, you will say but it changed the man’s perspective. Please don’t ignore yourself (Ephesians 5:28 – 30).

Conclusion: Elaine Fantle Shimberg emphasized the fact that all relationship problems stem from poor communication.  It can gradually add up over time and transform loving relationships into a living hell.

Written by Ada Miracle Israel (Sandys Zoom Crew)