That Relationship Can Still Work (3)

So far we have discussed the following factors that can make a relationship work effectively (in Part 1 & 2 of this series):
  -  Make up your mind to be happy
  -  Make Commitment a habit
  -  Learn to humbly forgive and admit your faults as the case may be
  -  Face the facts
  -  Be objective all the way
  -  Let fondness, warmth and friendliness characterize every of your move
  -  Be trust worthy and dependable

Let us now look at the last 4 of these factors that could make a difference in your relationship:

a.  Bring Everything To The Discussion Table: From the background of establishing trust in relationships discussed in the second part of this series, note that it is always important for you to dialogue (do not overlook any grey area).  Nothing is too insignificant to be discussed especially if you are in a relationship that will terminate to 'MARRIAGE'.

The simple reason why you must do this is: the other party to the relationship should be relaxed enough to discuss their past (the good, the bad, and the ugly) with you knowing that you will understand and accommodate their views (Genesis 2:25); correct in love and commit yourself to bringing about the change you desire to see in them.

Another very important reason for this is, they must not get to learn about your past from a third party - this is a clear betrayal of trust (because it shows that you do not trust him or her enough to believe or forgive you). Examples of issues to discuss could be: discuss the fact that you snore while sleeping (hope you are not laughing), that you hardly take your shower at night, your fears, aspirations, dressing, company you keep, family issues, fact that you already have a baby out of wedlock, etc.

It is of utmost importance that you do not withhold any secret that can be used to mortgage your relationship in the future. This principle applies more when the relationship is already on course than when you are just entering the relationship - couples should pay attention to this. By this I mean you should make it a habit to discuss EVERYTHING that happened around you during the day with your spouse. Please do not tell me that it is boring because that is one instrument that spices up my marriage (I have learnt to sit on the sofa or lie on the floor with my spouse and chat forgetting that time flies).   



To effectively use this tool (bringing everything up for  discussion), please pay attention to your choice of timing for the discussion or dialogue, this is because the moods of all parties coming to the table for the discussion is critical to the outcome of the discussion.

b.  Privacy Versus Company: Be sensitive enough to know when your partner deserves to be left alone or to be kept company, and respect that.  As a Christian, it is important that you learn to pray for your spouse at such times when he/she is forced to be alone or weariness (Galatians 6:1, Matthew 11:28).

Pay attention to the following:
  -  Always resist the temptation of habitually checking out the secret activities of your spouse
  -  If he/she does not permit you pick his/her phone calls, please excuse them
  -  Resist the temptation to control your spouse
  -  Do not plant friends to monitor his/her activity (your secret service activities may be found out someday)

Note: Even if your spouse is cheating on you, the truth will certainly be revealed so engaging in activities to guard against this is fruitless.  So be yourself and entrust your spouse to God for save keeping and guidance continually.
   

c.  The Place Of Respect: Respect the other party to the relationship for who they are. Encourage them to achieve their greatest aspirations and help them to become who you want them to be (but be patient with them).  In marriage relationships, I will want you to realize that if you pay attention to the needs of your spouse (able to make the necessary sacrifices peculiar to your relationship); you have automatically eliminated competition.

d.  The God Factor: I am discussing this principle at this point on purpose not because it is the least in the hierarchy of importance.  The intention is to emphasis that neglecting God in any relationship (whether it is already established or still in the process of being built) will always spring up surprises any day.  So pay attention to God's instructions in the Bible (Proverbs 3:5 - 6, Psalm 18:28, I John 5:5).

Do not be too wise as to think you can do without Him.  God is the only one that can light up your world and grant you peace on all sides.  Make it a habit to always seek God's guidance on the best way to use the tools discussed in this Series and you can be sure He will spice up your relationship (be it your spouse, children, colleagues, friends etc).

That brings us to the end of this Series.  If you have read through the entire series - That Relationship Can Still Work (Part 1 - 3) - then it is important that you join the discussion on a 'Relationship Case Study'. The discussion is on the platform of our Facebook Page and our Discussion Forum. Click on any of the links to be a part of this discussion.


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