Defining The Relationship (Part 1)

Defining the Relationship (DTR) is adding credibility to the word of Dr. Myles Munroe: “When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable”.

Purpose is the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. That is the motive, justification or objective of its existence.  It can also be said to be a person's sense of resolve or determination (that is your resolution or conviction for doing something). So to define the relationship (DTR) is to:

•        have a reason for getting into the relationship,
•       have a motive for getting into it,
•        have a justification or objective why you should be in it,
•       etc

When To Define The Relationship

Joel was a staff of a well known Church in Nigeria. He was a very good student and was willing to learn something new from anyone willing to volunteer their knowledge. Soon, he realized that Daniela (a sister in the same church was coming close to him), he didn’t have any issue with that because Daniela was a Polytechnic student that needed someone to confide in especially after the death of her younger sister.

They discussed academics, the scriptures, family problems and life in general whenever they met (it soon became apparent they shared the same interests in many ways).  Joel tactically ensured Daniela didn’t visit him at home. In pursuit of his golden relationship rule: ‘Don’t keep a relationship you are not learning from; or one in which the other party to the relationship is not learning from you’.  Joel learnt at least one new thing everyday which he will share with friends whenever they met.

After many months of Joel and Daniela seeing each other in his office, Daniela invited him to see her mum. Joel didn’t have any issue with that but got suspicious when he learnt her mum was expecting him in the company of some of her friends. He eventually visited the family but couldn’t feel very free since he didn’t know what she had told the mum about him. He however took a firm decision that things must be guided from this point.

Reflecting about his new decision, he remembered an article he had read on defining relationships which prescribed that it should be defined at:

•   the beginning of the relationship;
•   mid way (whenever the relationship starts violating your principles) and
•   periodically after the first defining (to accommodate new developments).

Joel further discussed this with a friend and was reassured that personality trait often influence the timeline between the time you meet a person and when the crushing after happens. So when one must define a relationship varies from one person to the other. Joel reasoned to himself the wisdom in the warning that ‘lust at first sight does not make a relationship but time does’.

He blamed himself for forgetting this and getting Daniela into this state of perfect happiness (cloud nine) where she now has a crushing after him. He could not deny the fact that he himself was having some butterflies in his stomach about the relationship. With this entire picture in his head, he decided to define the relationship in their very next meeting. 

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