Defining The Relationship (Part 2)

How Then Do I Start

The truth is that getting started (defining the relationship) often creates some level of nervousness (leaves butterflies in your stomach). It always leaves your heart racing between issue, your palms sweating, and your knees shaking; all these are understandable because you want to get “this done with” as quickly and effortlessly as possible.  There is however no guarantee that this discussion will be as easy as you had planned it on the drawing board.

The truth is that it wasn’t easy for Joel. Daniela had visited Joel one week after taking him to see her mum, they discussed as usual sharing their experiences, things they have learnt within the period of time they had not seen. While all these discussions were going on, Joel was struggling in his mind how to start off this discussion. Eventually he summoned courage and dropped the bomb: ‘Daniela, you know I have been wondering how this relationship really started and where it is taking us to’.

Silence prevailed over the room, Joel and Daniela got drawn in the sea of deep thought. After a while, Daniela broke the silence and said ‘I am really happy you raised this question’. This is because I have been having sleepless nights too especially because many people have been asking me what I was doing with you. 


However I:

•   could not gather enough courage to bring it up for discussion,
•   really didn’t want to offend you,
•   did not want to start putting ideas into your head

This remark startled Joel but the greater shock came when neither he nor Daniela could give a reason for their relationship. At this point Joel made reference to Dr. Myles Munroe’s quote on purpose: “When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable”. This quote suddenly made them to realize the power of purpose and the fact that they were gradually drifting into the abuse of each other without consciously meaning to do that.

With this new understanding, they discussed extensively and agreed that their relationship would:

•   be governed by principles of true friendship;
•   be for mutual edification (helping each other to realize their life’s purpose);
•   guided by true love spiced with open rebuke;
•   totally precludes sex;
•   be guided by the Christian code of belief;
•   marriage will be out of the picture (if you get a suitor should go ahead);
•   dissolved if any party to it consistently goes contrary to these codes;
•   conducted in such a way that every third party sees the transparency of it;
•   etc

At this point they were both glad and decided to consciously correct all their mistakes in the relationship and be guided by this new code. The relationship eventually blossomed and over the years both Daniela and Joel graduated from the tertiary institution and both got married to different spouses. Their relationship has now graduated into a very strong family tie and both families are happy for it.

Note that they reviewed this code of conduct severally as years went by to make sure that neither of them is hurt or victimized. Please don’t allow yourself to become:

•   a sex slave;
•   a friend of necessity;
•   a friend of convenience;
•   a model of accidental sex;
•   mortgaged by unplanned pregnancy or parenthood;
•   etc

simply because you failed to do what you can and should have done. Safeguard your future and fulfill your destiny to the glory of God.

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