The Shocking Truth About Distant Marriage (1)

Whether you refer to it as ‘distant marriage’, ‘telephone marriage’, ‘love from two cities’ or ‘marriage by proxy’; we are all referring to the same situation. This is a marriage situation where a partner is forced to live in a city different from the city the spouse or family is living in.  Some of the reasons that warrant this marriage situation are:

     -        Economic reasons

     -        Health reasons

     -        Education

     -        Legal

     -        etc

Whatever the reason why you have a distant marriage today is not a legitimate reason why you should run down your marriage relationship. Suffice it to say that many marriages have suffered defeat (loneliness, psychological trauma, infidelity, heartbreaks, separation, divorce etc) because the spouses are geographically separated.

I want to share from the dilemma I had to live with for some years. I must confess you don’t want to be in my shoes, reason being that the disadvantages of distant marriage I had to put up with could be frustrating (that is to say the least). Below are some of the disadvantages I face and how I managed them:

1.    Loneliness: By loneliness I mean being isolated from a better part of you so to say. This is amazing because in most cases you are surrounded by people and so much love yet you feel the ‘loss of companionship’.  The nakedness this situation brings manifests in:

a.    inability to share moments (joy, pains, defeats, successes etc);

b.    no comfort when you need them; depression and hard times (times when you will only wish this, wish that, blame yourself, blame your spouse etc);

c.    guilt (resulting from your inability to be there for your spouse, fulfill financial obligations, manage spouse’s complaints, trauma, tears and most times the resulting ill health, etc)

d.    avoidance of social gatherings requiring your spouse’s presence;

e.    etc

I dealt with this situation by not allowing it get the better part of me. I made a habit to entrust everything to God, guide my thoughts by the scriptures (stay positive) and actively engaging my spouse at any opportunity I could get off work. The thought of seeing my spouse soonest also gave me strength; so I focus on it and plan for the meeting (making sure no surprises will hinder it).

Tribute To An Amiable Nigerian - The Late Prof. Dora Nkem Akunyili

Prof. Dora Nkem Akunyili (OFR) was born in Makurdi, Benue State (Nigeria) on the 14th of July 1954 to Chief & Mrs Paul Young Edemobi. She is a devout Catholic and is happily married to Dr. J. C. Akunyili, a Medical Practitioner and they are blessed with six children and three grandchildren. Her hobbies include reading, writing, cooking and travelling. She speaks Igbo and English fluently.

Prof. Akunyili, is an internationally renowned Pharmacist, Pharmacologist, Erudite Scholar, Seasoned Administrator, and a visionary leader.

She has served her country in numerous strategic positions including as Director-General of the National Agency for Food and Drug Administration and Control (NAFDAC) and Federal Minister of Information and Communication.

Educational Career

Prof. Akunyili’s educational career started with her passing the First School Leaving Certificate with Distinction in 1966, and the West African School Certificate (W.A.S.C.) with Grade I Distinction in 1973 (both in Nigeria), which earned her the Eastern Nigerian Government Post Primary Scholarship and the Federal Government of Nigeria Undergraduate Scholarship respectively. It is remarkable that throughout her high school career, Dora Akunyili was always top of her class - a record that has never been broken in the school to date.

She got her B.Pharm (Hons) in 1978 and PhD in 1985, both at the University of Nigeria Nsukka (UNN). Prof. Akunyili won the best student award in the school of Pharmacy in her very first year in the school and the Vice Chancellor’s Postgraduate and Research Leadership prize in Faculty of Pharmaceutical Sciences for 1984/85 and 1985/86 academic Sessions.

She was promoted to the rank of Professor of Pharmacology in October, 2000 by the same University.

Matters Arising: Save Money, Grow Wealth

One of the matters arising from my previous post on 'The Only Financial Rule You Have To Live By' is the issue of Saving.

What then is Saving?  Saving is:
a)  Income not spent or
b)  Deferred consumption


As a follow up to my previous blogs on 'The Only Financial Rule You Have To Live By (Part 1 & 2)', I would want to say that the first definition of saving is adequately dealt with there. For the purpose of emphasis however I would restate that Income not spent is money deducted from ones pay check or salary for the purpose of increasing your assets or net worth.  It could also be money kept aside for contingencies which were not used within the specified period which is laid aside for investment purposes. Read more about this on my previous write up.

Deferred consumption on the other hand is delaying the purchase of something (a car, a shirt, going out for 'point and kill', making your hair, sewing a new cloth etc) that you can afford today, save the income from the deferred consumption and invest the income. The reason for this is to enable have enough to buy more of the item deferred in the future.

I will give you an example to buttress this point. A man from eastern Nigeria in 1974 had N4,000 and wanted to buy a brand new Peugeot 504 (this was the definition of class then).  He already had a Volkswagen Beetle but needed an upgrade, a friend he entrusted with the information advised him to continue using the Volkswagen Beetle and invest the money he would have used for the purchase. This was a difficult decision for him but because he respected the source of the advice, he invested the money.

The Only Financial Rule You Have To Live By (Part Two)

By way of a reminder, I mentioned in part one of this series that the first simple financial rule to live by is to "Pay yourself first". This principle, as simple as it seems is the bridge between where you are today and where you want to be in the future financially. It is the only secret to generating seeds for your wealth garden (investment).

Put in another way, paying yourself first simply means, deduct the money you will save first from your salary (or income) before you start paying your bills. And make sure that the money deducted is invested appropriately. The second rule is:

2. Practice Mindful Spending: The mindset that I have the freedom to use my salary the way I want to is not guaranteed. I think however that many people have more room to joggle their decision to spend than they realize. This is what I mean when I say that I think N10,000 is a lot of money. When I decide to buy something, it's a decision, not an impulse buy. I want to spend my money on things that really have value for me, not just things that are convenient or appealing at the moment or what other want me to buy.

So while I can buy something nice once in a while - without guilt - I have a hard time going out for lunch or buying (you can guess what). Less expensive purchases are an easy mental hurdle to get over because they're so small it seems that they could hardly amount to anything. The truth is, these seemingly insignificant purchases can easily amount to, or exceed, that N20,000 you may be aiming to save for a project.

If I spend N100 every morning on a Bread/Beans (Tea, Pap etc), and N150 each work day for lunch, this adds up to N1,250 per week (of five days) - for a grand total of N65,000 per year (of 52 weeks excluding my feeding for all the weekends - Saturdays and Sundays  - in the year).

The Only Financial Rule You Have To Live By (Part One)

There's a lot of great advice out there to saving money. But if it overwhelms you, start with just these two simple rules and you'll be on your way to financial independence. When it comes to the way we think about money, I've noticed there are two kinds of people: those who think that one hundred thousand naira (N100, 000) is a lot of money, and those who think that ten thousand naira (N10,000) is a lot of money. I fall into the second category.

But I'm not especially frugal. I have a fairly nice car, I take a vacation every year, and it isn't too hard to convince me to drop a few naira on a great pair of shoes now and then. I've don't live on loans. But I've also managed my retirement savings, bought a house, and live without debt — all on an average salary for where I live. What I am sharing with you isn't extraordinary, but it does seem somewhat rare. That said, I think most people can accomplish this fairly easily. All you have to do is live and die by two simple rules (pay yourself first and practice mindful spending):

1. Pay Yourself First: "Pay yourself first" is a very common piece of financial advice. It's simple enough to follow, but that doesn't make it easy. If you can save N1,000 per month (that is invest N12, 000 in a year) at a 6 percent interest rate, you'll have approximately ten million naira (N10,000,000) in 30 years. 

The Great Foundations: What Have We Done With Them (Part 3)

6. The state Of Education In The South East: Before the Civil war, the ownership of educational institutions was not concentrated in the hands of Government. Government operated as a very strong and well organized regulator of practices in the field of Education. It spelt out the rules and had very well staffed Inspectorate Divisions with offices at the zonal levels. Before schools were approved, certain standards were insisted on. These standards were not limited to the quality of human capacity. Physical structures and expansive land acreage where practical agriculture could be practiced and play grounds for health and physical education existed were mandatory conditions for schools to earn approval. The visit to any existing school for inspection by inspectors of the Ministry of Education was usually regarded as very sacrosanct. The inspectors could recommend the closure of such schools if the standards were found to have been compromised in any way.

To demonstrate Government expectations in terms of standards, government owned a few model schools. In the old Eastern Region, the Government Secondary Schools were: Government College, Umuahia; Queens College, Enugu; Government Secondary School, Owerri; Government Secondary School, Afikpo; and Government Comprehensive Secondary School, Port Harcourt. Most of thre Schools at both the Primary and Secondary tiers were shared between the missions: Catholic Mission, Methodist, Anglican Mission, Presbyterian Mission, Qua Iboe Mission, Lutheran Mission. Other schools were owned by communities. Very few private schools but they were very high standards. These missions had their managers who supervised these schools and ensured that the standards set by the ministries were maintained.

The Great Foundations: What Have We Done With Them (Part 2)

3. POWER: I grew up to know of ECN. It even had a football club. It did not have so many power generating stations but it provided steady power. It had Afam. It also had Oji River Power Station. Then, great Nigerian with foresight emerged and developed the Kanji Dams. I think later too, these were further expanded to include Igbim and Sapele Stations and ECN became NEPA the acronym for darkness. It would appear to me that while new stations were built, old stations were left to rot. The turbines and other facilities at the Shiroro and other dams were hardly serviced or maintained until NEPA metamorphosed into an institution that withholds power. As we grew as a nation, no corresponding growth was recorded in this direction. Our sense of maintenance of structures leaves much to be desired. Today, numerous power stations are being built on the pages of newspapers all over the nation. Only God knows when they will be completed and made functional. Targets of Megawatts are continually being announced and re-announced with nauseating regularity. Everywhere, there is darkness; solid darkness despite the early foundations set up to avert this darkness. Why?

The Great Foundations: What Have We Done With Them (Part 1)

Protocols: 

I salute you all especially the organizers of this great occasion. I want to particularly thank Professor B. C. Ozumba who I am sure nominated me for this great assignment. It is an indication of his special confidence in me. In a way too, for me, it is like coming home to an Institution that invested so much in me so that by this role which I am playing today, I am enjoying the privilege of being part of this University’s effort as it tries to establish this chair in honour of one of its greatest professors who has passed on to the great beyond.

Professor Kessandu Ogan was the founding Head of Department of Obstetrics and Gyneacology in this College of Medicine which has produced over six thousand (6000) Doctors since its inception. Pioneers often grapple with a myriad of problems. They assemble pioneer staff, procure first sets of equipment, handle accreditation matters and interpret approved curriculum as well as implement them so that over time they set standards which are supposed to compare with best practices locally and internationally. When the pioneer’s visions are clear and when he diligently sets out to lay enduring foundations he ends up crafting a system that stands firm no matter the intensity of tectonic forces that buffet the foundations the pioneer lays. Products from this medical school are creating waves all over the world in the practice of medicine, which to me, is an indication of the solidity or impregnability of the foundations on which the Medical School of our University of Nigeria was built by the pioneers who laid the foundations on which it stands today. One of those who took pain in establishing this College on sound, very sound foundations, is our elder brother Professor Kesandu Ogan who is being honoured today.

Is This The Right Attitude For You?

Discipline is the process of training oneself in obedience, self control, skill, etc. The controlled, ordered behavior results from such training. Discipline is the basis of the whole universe.

The solar system is governed by certain laws to maintain perfect harmony and beauty. Without this order, there would be utter chaos. Discipline is a basic requirement of a civilized society. Citizens of a disciplined nation work with a spirit of cooperation and unity. Aristotle has rightly said, "Discipline is obedience to rules formed by the society for the good of all.

Discipline should be inculcated from a very young age. Talent and genius alone are not enough to achieve success. Discipline has an equally important role to play. Talents blossom in a disciplined person.

Liberty is highly cherished and mush valued privilege in our society. But absolute liberty is not possible. Discipline involves a restraint on liberty, which is necessary for the interest of society. Discipline has been found necessary for both individual and social welfare. Discipline and restraint were deemed essential in prehistoric time also and as society has become more and more complex, the urgency and importance of discipline has been felt all the more.

Discipline is not only desirable but indispensable. Wherever discipline and regulation of human conduct are absent, moral and material deterioration has set in. Absence of discipline means decay. To prevent decay, discipline has to be imposed in the common interest and for the common good.

Amazingly It Is Called Mindset

A friend visited an Asian country and was totally amazed at what he saw ... this he eventually learnt was the process of taming elephant.

As my friend was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at any time, break away from the ropes they were tied to but for some reason, they did not.

My friend saw a trainer nearby and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.  "Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size of rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them.  As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away.

This way, the elephants come to believe that the rope can still hold them (irrespective of their size as it did when they were smaller), so they never try to break free." My friend was amazed". These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn't, they were stuck right where they were.

Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? So make an attempt to grow further.... Why shouldn't we try it again?

Your attempt may fail, but never fail to make an attempt.  CHOOSE not to accept the false boundaries and limitations created by the past... because it is called mindset.

Surprise, Jesus Christ Had A 13th Disciple

For all those who have at one time or the other attended Church services or should I say Sunday School classes will agree with me that Jesus' disciples on record were twelve!

But a close look at the account in the scriptures reveal that Jesus actually invited a 13th disciple who got vexed, depressed, overwhelmed etc with the conditions for discipleship and in the words of the scriptures:

                    '... looked sad and went away sorrowful ...'. (Mark 10:22)

This situation brings to our mind the fundamental importance of purpose in life. (click read more to continue)
Purpose is: a resolution, determination, intention or something one is set out to attain in life. Our character (Jesus' 13th disciple) in Mark 10 had obeyed all the commandments and his heart yearned for more in the pursuit of excellence and service to God.  In the pursuit of this deeper quest he encountered Jesus Christ who gave him the simple remedy to the yearning of his heart. The remedy was that he should go and:

          -   maintain the statuesque (his present spiritual perception and altitude);
          -   sell everything that he has and
          -   come and follow me (Jesus Christ)

Amazingly he backed out on this demand not because he was rich, educated, influential etc but because he did not understand the purpose for his existence - which was actually to fear God and live for him. With this ignorance of purpose came the lack of understanding of the fact that God is capable of giving him back all that He was asked to give to the poor. Remember also the scriptures: 'When you give to the poor, it is like lending to the Lord, and the Lord will pay you back' (Proverbs 19:17) and ultimately the natural law of sowing and reaping will always run its course: '.. what a man sows, he will reap..' (Gal. 6:7).

If he had understood this, he would have willingly given out what he had knowing that the person asking for it (God), will give it back to him (Mark 10:29 - 30); and maybe we would have been celebrating the thirteen disciples of Christ and not twelve. Read Mark 10:17 - 31 for the details of this 13th disciple.

The lessons for us here is:

Except we understand the purpose of our existence, there are certain things that we will keep struggling with. The struggle is not because doing these things are difficult but because we need a paradigm shift (from where we are presently) in order to understand we need to do them.  Also there are some mistakes we eventually make in life not because we are not on the right path but because our purpose is not defined (remember that when purpose is not known or defined, abuse is inevitable).

Ask yourself: 'what have I lost because my purpose in life was not defined?'  If you sincerely answer that, I want to announce to you that Jesus Christ is very willing to give you a second chance to make it up for your loses.  That is if you will be willing to allow His spirit guide you through it. Do not miss this opportunity of leaving a legacy that posterity with identify with.

That 13th disciple could be you!

Secrets Of A Purpose Driven Life

Introduction: By way of introduction it will be important you read the scriptures (Mark 10:17 - 31). Let us now define the following words from our topic:

  •  Youth: The definition of the word ‘youth’ is relative as there is no clear cut definition to it. Here are some of the definitions rendered to it:

- ‘The time of life when a person is young’ (when one is not yet old).

- ‘One within the ages of puberty and 45years old.

   •  Life: This is defined by the advanced Learners dictionary as the quality to breathe, grow, reproduce etc.

•   Purpose: The intention, aim or intention of a thing.

From the foregoing therefore a ‘Purpose driven life’ simply means a life that is literally lived on purpose economically, Psychologically, socially, politically, emotionally, educationally, career pursuit etc (that is a live that is lived with an aim, intention, reason, principle etc). The question here then is: “What is the purpose of your existence?” To understand the purpose of a product, you must work at understand first the product (anything that can be offered to a market to satisfy a want or a need – it could be a physical good or service). Let us x-ray the Christian as a product: