Black Traditional Wedding (3)

At this point, I could really feel Johnny’s pains and I asked him what really happened on December 30th, 2010?  Why didn’t Sandra show up for the traditional wedding?   

To answer this, Johnny paused for a while and said: on 25th February, 2011 after I had gotten over the shock of what had happened, I decided to find out what exactly happened considering that neither Sandra nor her parents had sent us any word since that dark Monday in December.  I called Sandra’s cell phone number which I had and it was permanently unavailable; so I called her father who was very bitter.

He told me that Sandra traveled with her brothers (from Spain) to the city on the night before the day of her supposed the traditional wedding. And that Sandra to everyone’s amazement eventually got married to Joseph, friend of her brother, which lived in Spain against her parent’s wish.  According to her dad, the whole scheme was sponsored by her brothers that came home from abroad. And the bait that Sandra fell for here was ‘the opportunity to live in Spain’.

At this point in Johnny’s story, he almost burst into tears but I encouraged him to stay strong. I made bold to convince him that there is a better woman out there that will bring unprecedented happiness and joy into his life and that of his family.  I must confess that Johnny did not believe me but all the same knowing that I was a life coach, older than him and that I had six years of marital experience behind me: he took my word for it.

By now I had finished shopping so we parted ways but the emotions Johnny displayed while telling me this story made me to stay in touch with him.  We talked some more frequently now on the best way forward for him and by the last week of April 2011 Johnny gave me a phone one morning. He was filled with smiles and all he could say was “Life is good”.  I was lost but since he could not say much, we scheduled to have lunch together the next day.

A Black Traditional Wedding (2)

Many neighbours jumped in excitement at the announcement of the date of our traditional wedding for December 30th 2010. They rejoiced that we held on to each other irrespective of all the challenges we had gone through, this made Sandra and I more proud of ourselves.

By the first week of December, I visited Sandra’s parents to have a firsthand information regarding my family’s visit, and was every excited at how homely her father was with me. The truth is that before now, Sandra’s father never took me serious but at point when I mentioned the issues of marriage to him, his attitudes changed towards me. We spent so many hour discussing and finalizing on the arrangements for the traditional wedding on my visit and I promised to stay in touch with him in order to be kept abreast of all further development. Sandra’s mother was full of praise for Sandra and I; she even went ahead to give us her blessings ahead of the December 30th, 2010 – date of the ceremony.

However, things began to take a different twist when Sandra’s siblings came back from Spain in the second week of December. I suddenly started seeing less of Sandra, and she would not return my calls because she was busy with home chores - making sure her siblings enjoyed their stay in Nigeria. The day she was scheduled to come around for a discussion with my dad (that is on December 20th, 2010), she did not show up. When my dad learnt I had not seen her for two weeks, he perceived that something was wrong somewhere.

The Bigger Picture (2)

Jesus Christ irrespective of the burden of anguish he went through, looked beyond the smaller picture and focused on the bigger picture by saying "…nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done” (Luke 22:42). 

He did this because he realized that whatever decisions he was would take will affect the following: 

-  Himself (his relationship with his father)

-  His followers (disciples – their future fate)

-  Humanity (in its entirety)

-  Change how divinity relates with humanity

For him taking a decision that will not only affect him alone but also add credence to others was more important than the smaller picture. And herein lies the message of His death and resurrection – the message the will edify or add value to your relationships.

To be able to imbibe this message, you may have to make up your mind to always reflect on how the decisions you regularly make affects and impacts others in your relationships. The first step in the ladder of accomplishing this is to first and foremost allow GOD to rule over your heart. This is important because the battles of life are fought, lost or won in the mind (whether you see the smaller or the bigger picture).

In addition to this, you will need to:

Make Forgiveness A Lifestyle: I will attempt to explain this by elaborating on the opposite of it - unforgiveness.  Unforgiveness according to Rev. Dr. Uma Ukpai is compared to ‘driving a vehicle at a speed of 200km/hr and suddenly holding down (fully) your brake pedal’.  This action will certainly crash the vehicle irrespective how skilled the person piloting the vehicle is.

Unforgiveness crashes our spiritual life (our relationship with God). It also short circuits our trust and believes in God’s ability to do what he says he will do. Forgiveness on the other hand opens you to the dynamic capabilities of the Holy Spirit therefore allows God pilot you to safety (establish his purpose in your relationships) no matter what happens. Do you now see why Jesus focused on the bigger picture forgave those who hurt badly him while under the weight of their actions?

A Black Traditional Wedding (1)

I casually strolled into a business mall in my locality on March 27th, 2010 to transact some business but pumped into an old school friend (while at the Polytechnic). Johnny was more of a Sunny sanguine and everybody loved him for that – he entered the room with his mouth first, was warm and friendly, outgoing and compassionate but not very productive then.  

Seeing him after more than 10 years after leaving School was like out of here. So in 5 minutes, we reminisced the past 10 years in a flash and suddenly I saw the shine vanish from his face while we discussed and he got to know that I have been married for some years now.
In an attempt to find what the matter was, he told me this story:
“I had a beautiful young lady I had moved out with for many years now and I tell you ‘she was good’. She was beautifully crafted, elegant and soft spoken. We loved each other very well and went through the thick and thin together when I had no job to pay my bills. Her encouragements in all those days were the only reason why I woke up in the morning and felt motivated to go out there and show any employer of labour my worth.
 

We planned, organized, directed and controlled every single step that we both took together in all those years. And inside me I prayed very hard for the day the relationship will be solemnized so that I can prove to her (Sandra) that her labours were not in vain (if you have not seen true love, you will really not understand what I mean)”.  My heart was pounding very hard by now because so many thoughts were running through my head:

a)  Did she die?
b)  Did my friend have a fight with his girl friend?
c)  Could it be possible that they separated?
d)  Questions, questions, questions …..

The Bigger Picture (Part 1)

Jesus like each of us had some limitations in his humanity. Please don’t cry foul yet because it was these limitations that made him to wish God to “remove this cup from him...” (Luke 22:42, Hebrews 4:15).  

In His humanity, Jesus Christ:

-  Had to undergo ‘PAIN’ from the particularly harsh scourging of the Roman soldiers. The scourging was done with a fragrum (a Short whip with lead balls, sheep bones or metal).  This deep stripe like cuts the scourging inflicted on its victim, usually caused a considerable blood loss on the victim and eventual the victims death. 

-  Also suffered the ‘HUMILIATION’ of being portrayed as a criminal and being eventually hung on the cross. This was a very pitiable death.

-  Suffered such an unimaginable level of ‘BETRAYAL’; imagine how

Fragrum

Jesus Christ felt going through this. First the disciples had very good reasons for not tarrying with him in prayer. Secondly, Peter his trusted friend, brother and disciple denied Him before the cock crowed thrice. Thirdly, the same crowd that heralded and triumphantly received him into Jerusalem on the back of a calf; is now chanting that he be crucified.

His list of betrayals could go on and on. Will it be complete if the role of Judas Iscariot is not mentioned? Depending on how you choose to see Judas, he could be seen as a trusted ‘friend’ or a trusted ‘foe’ (what we call household enemy today).