The Shocking Truth About Distant Marriage (1)

Whether you refer to it as ‘distant marriage’, ‘telephone marriage’, ‘love from two cities’ or ‘marriage by proxy’; we are all referring to the same situation. This is a marriage situation where a partner is forced to live in a city different from the city the spouse or family is living in.  Some of the reasons that warrant this marriage situation are:

     -        Economic reasons

     -        Health reasons

     -        Education

     -        Legal

     -        etc

Whatever the reason why you have a distant marriage today is not a legitimate reason why you should run down your marriage relationship. Suffice it to say that many marriages have suffered defeat (loneliness, psychological trauma, infidelity, heartbreaks, separation, divorce etc) because the spouses are geographically separated.

I want to share from the dilemma I had to live with for some years. I must confess you don’t want to be in my shoes, reason being that the disadvantages of distant marriage I had to put up with could be frustrating (that is to say the least). Below are some of the disadvantages I face and how I managed them:

1.    Loneliness: By loneliness I mean being isolated from a better part of you so to say. This is amazing because in most cases you are surrounded by people and so much love yet you feel the ‘loss of companionship’.  The nakedness this situation brings manifests in:

a.    inability to share moments (joy, pains, defeats, successes etc);

b.    no comfort when you need them; depression and hard times (times when you will only wish this, wish that, blame yourself, blame your spouse etc);

c.    guilt (resulting from your inability to be there for your spouse, fulfill financial obligations, manage spouse’s complaints, trauma, tears and most times the resulting ill health, etc)

d.    avoidance of social gatherings requiring your spouse’s presence;

e.    etc

I dealt with this situation by not allowing it get the better part of me. I made a habit to entrust everything to God, guide my thoughts by the scriptures (stay positive) and actively engaging my spouse at any opportunity I could get off work. The thought of seeing my spouse soonest also gave me strength; so I focus on it and plan for the meeting (making sure no surprises will hinder it).

Tribute To An Amiable Nigerian - The Late Prof. Dora Nkem Akunyili

Prof. Dora Nkem Akunyili (OFR) was born in Makurdi, Benue State (Nigeria) on the 14th of July 1954 to Chief & Mrs Paul Young Edemobi. She is a devout Catholic and is happily married to Dr. J. C. Akunyili, a Medical Practitioner and they are blessed with six children and three grandchildren. Her hobbies include reading, writing, cooking and travelling. She speaks Igbo and English fluently.

Prof. Akunyili, is an internationally renowned Pharmacist, Pharmacologist, Erudite Scholar, Seasoned Administrator, and a visionary leader.

She has served her country in numerous strategic positions including as Director-General of the National Agency for Food and Drug Administration and Control (NAFDAC) and Federal Minister of Information and Communication.

Educational Career

Prof. Akunyili’s educational career started with her passing the First School Leaving Certificate with Distinction in 1966, and the West African School Certificate (W.A.S.C.) with Grade I Distinction in 1973 (both in Nigeria), which earned her the Eastern Nigerian Government Post Primary Scholarship and the Federal Government of Nigeria Undergraduate Scholarship respectively. It is remarkable that throughout her high school career, Dora Akunyili was always top of her class - a record that has never been broken in the school to date.

She got her B.Pharm (Hons) in 1978 and PhD in 1985, both at the University of Nigeria Nsukka (UNN). Prof. Akunyili won the best student award in the school of Pharmacy in her very first year in the school and the Vice Chancellor’s Postgraduate and Research Leadership prize in Faculty of Pharmaceutical Sciences for 1984/85 and 1985/86 academic Sessions.

She was promoted to the rank of Professor of Pharmacology in October, 2000 by the same University.

Matters Arising: Save Money, Grow Wealth

One of the matters arising from my previous post on 'The Only Financial Rule You Have To Live By' is the issue of Saving.

What then is Saving?  Saving is:
a)  Income not spent or
b)  Deferred consumption


As a follow up to my previous blogs on 'The Only Financial Rule You Have To Live By (Part 1 & 2)', I would want to say that the first definition of saving is adequately dealt with there. For the purpose of emphasis however I would restate that Income not spent is money deducted from ones pay check or salary for the purpose of increasing your assets or net worth.  It could also be money kept aside for contingencies which were not used within the specified period which is laid aside for investment purposes. Read more about this on my previous write up.

Deferred consumption on the other hand is delaying the purchase of something (a car, a shirt, going out for 'point and kill', making your hair, sewing a new cloth etc) that you can afford today, save the income from the deferred consumption and invest the income. The reason for this is to enable have enough to buy more of the item deferred in the future.

I will give you an example to buttress this point. A man from eastern Nigeria in 1974 had N4,000 and wanted to buy a brand new Peugeot 504 (this was the definition of class then).  He already had a Volkswagen Beetle but needed an upgrade, a friend he entrusted with the information advised him to continue using the Volkswagen Beetle and invest the money he would have used for the purchase. This was a difficult decision for him but because he respected the source of the advice, he invested the money.

The Only Financial Rule You Have To Live By (Part Two)

By way of a reminder, I mentioned in part one of this series that the first simple financial rule to live by is to "Pay yourself first". This principle, as simple as it seems is the bridge between where you are today and where you want to be in the future financially. It is the only secret to generating seeds for your wealth garden (investment).

Put in another way, paying yourself first simply means, deduct the money you will save first from your salary (or income) before you start paying your bills. And make sure that the money deducted is invested appropriately. The second rule is:

2. Practice Mindful Spending: The mindset that I have the freedom to use my salary the way I want to is not guaranteed. I think however that many people have more room to joggle their decision to spend than they realize. This is what I mean when I say that I think N10,000 is a lot of money. When I decide to buy something, it's a decision, not an impulse buy. I want to spend my money on things that really have value for me, not just things that are convenient or appealing at the moment or what other want me to buy.

So while I can buy something nice once in a while - without guilt - I have a hard time going out for lunch or buying (you can guess what). Less expensive purchases are an easy mental hurdle to get over because they're so small it seems that they could hardly amount to anything. The truth is, these seemingly insignificant purchases can easily amount to, or exceed, that N20,000 you may be aiming to save for a project.

If I spend N100 every morning on a Bread/Beans (Tea, Pap etc), and N150 each work day for lunch, this adds up to N1,250 per week (of five days) - for a grand total of N65,000 per year (of 52 weeks excluding my feeding for all the weekends - Saturdays and Sundays  - in the year).

The Only Financial Rule You Have To Live By (Part One)

There's a lot of great advice out there to saving money. But if it overwhelms you, start with just these two simple rules and you'll be on your way to financial independence. When it comes to the way we think about money, I've noticed there are two kinds of people: those who think that one hundred thousand naira (N100, 000) is a lot of money, and those who think that ten thousand naira (N10,000) is a lot of money. I fall into the second category.

But I'm not especially frugal. I have a fairly nice car, I take a vacation every year, and it isn't too hard to convince me to drop a few naira on a great pair of shoes now and then. I've don't live on loans. But I've also managed my retirement savings, bought a house, and live without debt — all on an average salary for where I live. What I am sharing with you isn't extraordinary, but it does seem somewhat rare. That said, I think most people can accomplish this fairly easily. All you have to do is live and die by two simple rules (pay yourself first and practice mindful spending):

1. Pay Yourself First: "Pay yourself first" is a very common piece of financial advice. It's simple enough to follow, but that doesn't make it easy. If you can save N1,000 per month (that is invest N12, 000 in a year) at a 6 percent interest rate, you'll have approximately ten million naira (N10,000,000) in 30 years.