A Black Traditional Wedding (1)

I casually strolled into a business mall in my locality on March 27th, 2010 to transact some business but pumped into an old school friend (while at the Polytechnic). Johnny was more of a Sunny sanguine and everybody loved him for that – he entered the room with his mouth first, was warm and friendly, outgoing and compassionate but not very productive then.  

Seeing him after more than 10 years after leaving School was like out of here. So in 5 minutes, we reminisced the past 10 years in a flash and suddenly I saw the shine vanish from his face while we discussed and he got to know that I have been married for some years now.
In an attempt to find what the matter was, he told me this story:
“I had a beautiful young lady I had moved out with for many years now and I tell you ‘she was good’. She was beautifully crafted, elegant and soft spoken. We loved each other very well and went through the thick and thin together when I had no job to pay my bills. Her encouragements in all those days were the only reason why I woke up in the morning and felt motivated to go out there and show any employer of labour my worth.
 

We planned, organized, directed and controlled every single step that we both took together in all those years. And inside me I prayed very hard for the day the relationship will be solemnized so that I can prove to her (Sandra) that her labours were not in vain (if you have not seen true love, you will really not understand what I mean)”.  My heart was pounding very hard by now because so many thoughts were running through my head:

a)  Did she die?
b)  Did my friend have a fight with his girl friend?
c)  Could it be possible that they separated?
d)  Questions, questions, questions …..

The Bigger Picture (Part 1)

Jesus like each of us had some limitations in his humanity. Please don’t cry foul yet because it was these limitations that made him to wish God to “remove this cup from him...” (Luke 22:42, Hebrews 4:15).  

In His humanity, Jesus Christ:

-  Had to undergo ‘PAIN’ from the particularly harsh scourging of the Roman soldiers. The scourging was done with a fragrum (a Short whip with lead balls, sheep bones or metal).  This deep stripe like cuts the scourging inflicted on its victim, usually caused a considerable blood loss on the victim and eventual the victims death. 

-  Also suffered the ‘HUMILIATION’ of being portrayed as a criminal and being eventually hung on the cross. This was a very pitiable death.

-  Suffered such an unimaginable level of ‘BETRAYAL’; imagine how

Fragrum

Jesus Christ felt going through this. First the disciples had very good reasons for not tarrying with him in prayer. Secondly, Peter his trusted friend, brother and disciple denied Him before the cock crowed thrice. Thirdly, the same crowd that heralded and triumphantly received him into Jerusalem on the back of a calf; is now chanting that he be crucified.

His list of betrayals could go on and on. Will it be complete if the role of Judas Iscariot is not mentioned? Depending on how you choose to see Judas, he could be seen as a trusted ‘friend’ or a trusted ‘foe’ (what we call household enemy today).

That Relationship Can Still Work (3)

So far we have discussed the following factors that can make a relationship work effectively (in Part 1 & 2 of this series):
  -  Make up your mind to be happy
  -  Make Commitment a habit
  -  Learn to humbly forgive and admit your faults as the case may be
  -  Face the facts
  -  Be objective all the way
  -  Let fondness, warmth and friendliness characterize every of your move
  -  Be trust worthy and dependable

Let us now look at the last 4 of these factors that could make a difference in your relationship:

a.  Bring Everything To The Discussion Table: From the background of establishing trust in relationships discussed in the second part of this series, note that it is always important for you to dialogue (do not overlook any grey area).  Nothing is too insignificant to be discussed especially if you are in a relationship that will terminate to 'MARRIAGE'.

The simple reason why you must do this is: the other party to the relationship should be relaxed enough to discuss their past (the good, the bad, and the ugly) with you knowing that you will understand and accommodate their views (Genesis 2:25); correct in love and commit yourself to bringing about the change you desire to see in them.

Another very important reason for this is, they must not get to learn about your past from a third party - this is a clear betrayal of trust (because it shows that you do not trust him or her enough to believe or forgive you). Examples of issues to discuss could be: discuss the fact that you snore while sleeping (hope you are not laughing), that you hardly take your shower at night, your fears, aspirations, dressing, company you keep, family issues, fact that you already have a baby out of wedlock, etc.

It is of utmost importance that you do not withhold any secret that can be used to mortgage your relationship in the future. This principle applies more when the relationship is already on course than when you are just entering the relationship - couples should pay attention to this. By this I mean you should make it a habit to discuss EVERYTHING that happened around you during the day with your spouse. Please do not tell me that it is boring because that is one instrument that spices up my marriage (I have learnt to sit on the sofa or lie on the floor with my spouse and chat forgetting that time flies).   

That Relationship Can Still Work Out (2)

By way of a reminder in “THAT RELATIONSHIP CAN STILL WORK OUT (1)”, we agreed that having a healthy and thriving relationship is possible and achievable.  I also set the stage going by explaining 3 of the principles for making the relationships work:
 i.   Make up your mind to be happy 
  ii.    Make Commitment a habit
iii.  Learn to humbly forgive and admit your faults as the case may be 

                 

In this second part of the series, I will continue by outlining 3 more principles for healing a relationship:

1.       Face The Facts:  From the word go, it will be important that you realize that all relationships will have their days of fighting, disagreements, sadness and happiness.  Facing the facts means that both parties to the relationship realize that ‘conflicts happen’ in relationships. And make up their minds to resolve the causes of these sadness, fighting, disagreements etc instead of fighting each other and leaving the causatives to deepen and tire apart the relationship. Decide to make the relationship work irrespective of the odds (be ready to make sacrifices).

This resolution is important because it helps you to focus and effectively manage the issues tending to tire away the relationship. Paying attention to this principle will help get through such trying times and come out of it with a better relationship (understanding for each other).

Another way to look at is that it will be important that you periodically ‘Review your expectations’ from any relationship you are in.

That Relationship Can Still Work Out (1)

I will start assuming that we already know what our definition of relation is; in case you will need to refresh your mind on that please click here.

To have a healthy and thriving relationship is: possible, achievable and something within your capability. However you must realize that both parties to the relationship must be willing to make the relationship work.

What are the things that each of the parties must pay attention to? Below are some of the fundamental things to pay attention to:

1.  Make Up Your Mind To Be Happy: Each parties to a relationship should be responsible enough to take charge of their happiness. By happiness, I mean the mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. This is so fundamentally important to the human condition that "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" were deemed to be unalienable rights by the United States Declaration of Independence.

In plain word, I am saying that you should endeavour to save yourself hours of sadness or arguing by motivating yourself at all times to be happy.  It is good enough to blame others, curse, give excuses that the other parties to our relationships:

   -  make us who we are (have by their behaviour moulded us to do the things we do).

The truth however is that "it's not up to anyone else to make you happy". You can be as happy or as sad as you choose to be. Therefore stay in charge of your life so that others do not drive it and make you to always do the things that you do not admire or always regret.